Redefining Family

A Birthmother’s Path to Wholeness


Written as a narrative to my daughter, I wanted her to have the whole story. Where she came from. Why I placed her for adoption. And how, for the next eighteen years, I hovered on the edges of her family, granted access by her generous parents, but always wanting more. More for her, and more for me.

This bare bones memoir tells the story of a kinship adoption from the perspective of a birthmother. It will break your heart, then heal it, with new perspectives on adoption, openness, and the complex ways we define family. 

I am not ready, not able, to raise you.
Ten years too early, I need time to grow up.

To offer you, I have love.
And nothing else.

You need more than I have to give,
Unless I give you up.

To parents who are ready, waiting, to raise you.
Ten years wanting, with a ready home.

Parents who have love,
And everything else, too.

If I do it,
If I break my own heart to spare yours,
Will it work?
Will you be happier, healthier this way?

And will I ever be okay again?


The prices are the same at all U.S. stores: $14.99 for the paperback, $4.99 for the ebook. Audiobook prices vary a little ($7.99 – $14.99). Place your order today.


“Beautifully written. A raw, honest journey of heartache and hope.”  

Early reviews of Redefining Family

“I’ve never read a book that I could connect so well to. Definitely brought tears to my eyes a few times.”

A Birthmother

“This story is necessary in terms of bringing the beauty and agony of adoption out of the shadows.”


Download the Exclusive Photos and FAQs

As promised in the end of Redefining Family, there’s more. You can download photos of our family, then and now, right here.


Resources

When I had Katarina in 2000, there were some resources available, but I didn’t find them. The good news is there are even more options today. 

Birthparent Resources

Caring for Kids, Inc. 

Birthmother weekend retreats, meetups, and online support.

On Your Feet Foundation

Birthparent coaching, weekend retreats, grants for counseling, education and tuition assistance, emergency rent assistance, and outreach.

Birthmother Thoughts

A great website from a birthmother with a lot of info and support, especially if you’re considering adoption. Her words strike me as close to non-agenda as you can get. Real answers to real questions from someone who is not financed by adoptions, nor hateful of the adoption industry. Someone in the middle. 

Adoptee Resources

Adoptee Reading

Every adoptee-authored book and book recommended by adoptees. 

Adoptees On Podcast

A podcast for adoptees to talk about their experiences. 


Do you know of resources you think I should add?


A Note for Birthparents

The times I most needed a book like this, I didn’t have $5 to spend on it. If you’re a birthparent or are considering placement and need a free copy, contact me. I’ll send you a link for a free ebook version that can be read on Kindle or any ebook app.


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